The Lost Child

I do a lot of thinking before I fall asleep at night which leads to not being able to sleep. One of these thoughts is about being a child and loosing the childs view as we grow older. As adults we tend to look at the little symbol and words that say what age the toy may be suitable for. Sometimes we might even consult with the retail assistant for advice. Then you have two grown-ups debating what is suitable for perhaps that four year old. When I was little, I used to be puzzled by thoes age appropriate signs on toys. I thought if you were a child once, which everyone has, you could, would and should know what is appropriate for a child at whatever age. It just made sense and now it doesn't make any sense to how I can't recall or think what children like and dislike. Their world is all foreign to me and I don't know when I left that child in me behind. When did this happen? I am now one of thoes adults who have trouble buying gifts for children and even recommending films and novels because I don't know if they are appropriate and if they will understand it. Then when they do understand it, we get all surprised that make remarks about them being so smart. I will probably end up being one of thoes aunts who will buy a t-shirt two sizes too small and then be really surprised by how much they have grown.

Singled Out

I constantly feel singled out because of my single status. A single woman is questioned to their singleness and really, there is really not that much to question. What is there to say? "I am single and not looking. I want to focus on my career/studies and I am happy where I am." It bothers me alot when I get asked (mostly from guys) who want to know why I am not dating anyone and sometimes not married. I was talking to an older woman about this and she told me what she told her daughter which was you don't have to get married, its fine to be single and you shouldn't hurry or push yourself to get married.

Some of you might think this is a bitter and angry post but really, I am just curious about the idea that its not right to be single. Some might even think that being single means being lonely. But you can still be lonely in a relationship. It almost seems wrong to want to be and to stay single. That you have to be with someone in order to be happy and if possible married and have children. I get really disgusted when guys whistle or look me up and down and give me unwanted compliments. At one point I wondered if I shouldn't wear tights and then I thought, what the hell, so many people wear tights why shouldn't I. Just because some sleaze bag wants to make stupid comments and gestures, that shouldn't stop me from dressing the way I want to dress because they're going to do the same thing every time they see a woman in a long or short dress. Perhaps this is where my inner feminist comes out and says NO to being treated and seen as an object that can be handled in anyway they like. I am not against to being in an relationship or others being in a relationship but I am against single women being treated and having to deal with smarmy-parmy crap.

Name Tag

While attending a morning tea, I was faced with a little problem even before it started. We were handed our white sticker hand written name tags when I was faced with the dilema of where do I stick my name tag? Standing there at the reception and trying to figure out where to put it made me feel slightly awkward as people walked passed and eyed me strangly as I went through the usual routine of sticking it on to one part of my body then peeling it off. I once put my name tag on my abdomen, which is where I usually put it, but the lady who organised the morning tea saw it, tore it off and slapped it on my chest and told me that I had to wear it properly. Now, where she had stuck it, to be more precise, was on my left breast. It makes me feel uncomfortable putting it there as it means that people have to stare or stoop to look at my breast to see my name, and sometimes people do not stop staring as if the name tag is giving them a reason to stare. Towards the end of the morning tea, I spotted a lady wearing her name tag on her arm like an arm-band. I loved it. I had finally found a solution to my problem of where to wear my name tag. It was still higher up, above the abdomen and people didn't have to stare at your chest. What a wonderful idea. Problem solved!

What Do You Desire

I am quite interested in desires. What people want and the lists they sometimes make and I became even more interested when I came across an advertisement saying 'click here to find out what women really want'. This then got me wondering what is it that I desired and then thinking about what I wanted for my birthday because this generally has people thinking and making lists of what they really want. I began to question and ask myself if the things I wanted, material items, made me seem a self centered person. Do I want to get pretty candle holders, new shoes, cushions for the home, an ipod to replace my diskman so that I no longer have to carry five cds around with me, perfume ecetera. Do I really need these things? Will I use them and how often? Why do I want thoes things so badly? Is it just because of the image, the packaging, the beautiful ad that was played on the t.v? I was taking to a friend who wanted a bottle of perfume so badly that she just ate bread and butter for months so that she could save up and buy it. But what was really lovely was when she told me that she had framed up the packaging because it was too special and involved so much hard work to just throw it away. To me, this act was just beautiful. That desire has become a moment that is to be always kept and remembered.

What I was interested next was what happenes after that first desire and we have another thing that we want and must have. Some write a list, ponder about it, and then somehow we might eventually get it. And what are we attracted to? I know that I am attracted to anything glossy, shiny, sparkly and usually expensive which leads me to being slightly disappointed and sighing alot about it. This desire, longing for things, where does it stop and why are we always wanting? Is it an escape from reality? Is desire dangerous? Is it a good or bad thing?

Cars, Bikes and the Imagined Luxury

I have lived my whole entire life, of twenty years, in Melbourne and I cannot drive or ride a bike. I can walk and, read timetables and maps to catch public transport. Most of my friends drive. Most of them live way, way out in the Mount Eliza area. So I feel a bit of a freak when I go down to visit them as I have to catch the train to Frankston and someone will come pick me up. Like a toddler that has to rely on the grown up. Reading the article by Kate Holden in todays Saturday Age A2 paper, brought up the feeling of fustration again as not being able to drive means that collecting hard rubbish is slightly difficult when one is on foot, and I love hard rubbish. Try dragging back a bunch of broken chairs, table and outdoor umbrella back home without a car. Do not get the wrong idea, I love walking but sometimes I would like to have the luxury of sitting back and cruising. Walking takes you places that cars cannot like down lane ways or tight streets. Public transport at night is so slow which just makes me to want to stop waiting and catch a ride in a taxi but I don’t because it will cost me something like thirty dollars and there are a lot of things I could buy with that money. Another thing I should add with cars is that you can do drive throughs on your way. I am a big fan of drive throughs. Nothing smells as comforting as a burger with fries on the side next to you and munching them on the way home. Wish I could do that on the way home. So instead, if ever I am in a car, I grab the opportunity to go to a drive through which make some of friends think I am a trashy freak. Bikes, I get surprised, mostly weird looks from people when I tell them that I cannot ride a bike. What is with that? It seems that everyone knows how to ride one and I don’t. I dream about having my own bike one day and learning to ride it but I’ll probably be like Phoebe from the episode of Friends where she gets a pink bike with tassles on the handels and walks it around the park, pretending she knows how to ride it.